Motivation is...nonexistent.

Hey everyone.

Unfortunately, I have really let my motivation/passion to get this weight lost just go out the window. I was on Christmas break from school for the past three weeks and did nothing...although the week of finals I got really sick and had to go to the ER, so I kinda deserved the resting/recharging time...right? 

[I'm fine now it was a mix of having the stomach flu that I caught from a fellow student and the lining of my stomach being irritated from taking pain medicine too often, along with not very much sleep, stress, pushing myself too hard, etc. It was really scary - TMI but I was vomiting profusely with extreme cramps in my abdomen that contracted my diaphragm so I couldn't breathe. I never really get sick at all other than colds or normal "sicknesses" like that so it was really terrifying for me to have to go to the ER.]

I haven't gained anything I am just maintaining, but I just wish I had the drive to do this. I want it really badly, but yet...just can't bring myself to do it. School is taking a lot out of me and I am exhausted when I get home (that's my excuse I suppose). I will be buying an exercise bike shortly because I figure it won't take a lot of effort to plop my ass on a bike and pedal away while watching tv/studying! haha. 

I DO want this. I don't want to be unhealthy. I don't want to look bad in my old clothes. I've never, ever had a flat stomach and I would love that...but all that work - I guess I'm scared that I will get really far like last time and something will happen that I gain it all back again. I can't handle putting in all that extreme effort on top of the crazy stress school brings to have it not stick. My disease really sucks sometimes, and that's always in the back of my head.  

I will hopefully be seeing my best friend and will have a heart to heart with her - she's a personal trainer so hopefully she can help me restart my fire, I want a good chunk of this weight gone by the time I graduate, and definitely the majority of it gone by September - it will be Andrew and I's 5 year anniversary this year. I just can't believe time has flown by this quickly. 


I will try to get on here more often to update, I know I'm awful about this ha. 


Until then!
Nykkie